the deadly theatre

i’ve been tagged by chics..eheheh..here it goes….

                                       7 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. travel around the world with my loved ones..
2. get my doctorate..seronok ok kalu when people call u dr shelly…ehehehe..
3. be a philanthropist so that I can help others..i must admit that I feel so empty because those days I used to spent time doing charity works with MAKNA.met up wif the cancer patients..seronok sgt..skung nih susah la…kat seremban mana ada MAKNA.nak gi setiawangsa every week jauh tuh…tsk..tsk….
4. buy a piece of land so that I can build a home for the stray cats + even dogs..give them food + love..
5. get black belt for karate…skung nih baru blue belt..lamanye lagiiiiii
6. have lots of money (more than 6 digits) in my bank account.duit nih aku carik sendiri..bukan laki kasi..the best part, laki aku pon tak tau pasal bank account nih…ehehehe..seronoknyeeee
7. make sure I get all my godfather’s books.i even asked him to include my name in his will so that I can take all his books…I love books!!

                                                   7 THINGS I CANNOT DO

1. eat brinjals…kepantangan aku nih..sure demam punya kalu makan..apsal ntah
2. baca jawi..aku tak pandai laa…
3. eat raw seaurchin..done that, then I ended up throw up in the kedai…the worst food I ever eaten in my whole lifela..
4. stopping myself from blogging & reading other peep blogs..new found interest la..tak tau la 2-3 taun lagi..ni sume kan fad…aight?
5. listen to metal songs..peningla kepala aku…kat sek, bebudak nih lebih dari bunyi slipknot dieorg dah buat..i had enough!
6. melepak di kelab dangdut…ko hilang akal apa!
7. hantar kenit kat pasar..kenit nih skung jahatla..die suke pecahkan pinggan..lepas tuh, suka kencing merata2..apahal ntah…eiiii.tampar kang..geramla aku ngan minah nih..but what to do?she’s part of our family..

                         7 THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO THE OPPOSITE SEX

1. wangi….pehhh!!!
2. bald à hensem doh lelaki botak..once,i forced my ex to bald his head on my convocation day..dah la kepala die gatal2 lepas tuh..sian die…eehehhe..
3. always keep his head + feet firmly on the ground.kalu nak brag tuh sorry la..it is a big turn off for me..aku tau ko kaya..takyah poyo2 nak boasting itu ini.jgn menggelupur..bosan ahhh..kalu tak kaya jgn nak berlagak..nih lagi aku menyampah…
4. know how to dress up..esp kalu pakai office attire, dahla botak..wangi pulak…ahhhh..tak tahan aahh..aku boley tengok 2-3 kali tahu..ahahhah…
5. nice butt..ehehehe..aku tak minat la lelaki flat butt nih..tau tak bontot leper…aahahha…ingat lelaki je ke bole komplen2, “eh, u nih flat chested la..”..eleh..bontot ko leper..banyak laa…ko pon apa kurangnya..bontot pon takde
6. able to converse in English..nih aku suka..kalu bole ckp foreign language lagi bagus…
7. lelaki yg ada planning, ada objektif dlm idop..kalu setakat go with the flow + setakat ckp je buat apa pon tak…byebye la jawabnya..

                                           7 THINGS I SAY MOST OFTEN:

1. Morning, boys!
2. Quiet!
3. Go back to your place!
4. Do u want me to throw you out?
5. Oi! Shut up!
6. Sit down!
7. Poovan! à one of my pupils.very naughty + likes to curse in tamil. I learnt many dirty words from him such as pandi and sutu..everyday..nama die mesti naik ahh..cehh

                                                    7 CELEBRITY CRUSHES

1. ADAM FAROUK – die ada perform utk “an evening with sean ghazi”. Aku tak gi pon, tapi dah ari2 muka die promote show tuh kat tv terus dr mata turun ke hati..hihihi..getik la ko nih.aku nak namakan anak aku nama nih nanti..seres nih
2. Raja Nazrin (until now) – those days during high school, suka tengok gambar die dlm buku autobiography bapak die kat library..hensem aahh..
3. Karim Raslan (suka-suka jek, tak tau sampai bila suka) – die ada contribute articles kat NST..sgt2 chumel…
4. Eric Cantona (crush masa sek2) – walaupun die ganas + suke tendang org, aku suka die..
5. The late Krishen Jit – met him once.i was speechless.so many things I wanted to talk with him but then I was so damn scared.last2 the words that came out from my mouth was à EXCUSE ME SIR, WHERE IS THE TOILET? – bodohla kau nih!
6. kimutaku S.M.A.P (takuya kimura) – dah kawin pon skung..menyampah..
7. cico harahapà infatuation ok?!entry lain aku citer benda bodoh yg aku dah buat pasal mamat nih…aku tau mesti ramai dah muntah bila tgk aku ada crush kat die..damnla shelly

okla…sekian terima kasih..tak tau nak tag sape…ade org ke bace blog aku nih…ehehehehe…kalu ada yg bace ko tagla diri ko sindirik + jwbla sume soalan tuh…

last saturday, i went to pd to get together & bukak puasa wif my bestest frens…ye ker??ahahahha…actually we wanted to go to kg baru…tapi sbb yusri + ina yang mengada2 tak nak, pegi la makan ayam gollum (ayam golek ahh..kitaorg panggil ayam gollum).ayam gollum lagik..duhh..mana lagi kalu tak kat pd…aku blasah jek…since graduated, punyala susah nak jumpa bebudak nih, esp agus.. ..so i decided to celebrate my burfday.. a week earlier ok…ina la taknak buat gath next week..menyampah!and then, aku baru teringat yg aku ade utang ngan bebudak nih, esp agus choc cake..so, aku pon bertungkus-lumusla mem"bake" kek…ahahahah.agus tak puas hati sbb aku tak buat 3 layers choc cake..otak kau.pastuh siap cakap apsal ko tak buat brownies..laa..mana aku ingat ,korang tak suruh..bebudak nih merepek2 je.ada ke bagi nama kek aku kek ganja…memang ganja habis laa..ehehehhe..

after buka, we decided to go to dataran zaaba.of all places dataran zaaba..ehehhehehe…tempat nih kat fac biz lerr.isk..isk…how we miss the good old days…siap memekak2 nyanyi lagu burfday..tekanan perasaan bebudak yg tengah struggle blaja utk final exams..yg tak best camera aku buat hal.ada 2-3 gambar jek sempat amik..gambar kek pon takde ..gambar kotak je ade…kecewa dohh.penat jek agus, ina + under posing…agus pon kitaorg paksa tiup lilin sbb burfday die pon tak lama lagi..under + as (gf mamat nih), thanks for the little lembu..sgt chomell..lepas tuh lepak pulak kat pan cafe kat newtown, sbb bebudak jantan nih nak tgk bola..poyo ahhh..sedihla..next year, yusri, under + ina nak kawin.kawinla korang…damn…agus, apa lagi mari kita kembali ke lembah hina…ahahahhahahah…tak mo la..aku dah insaf…lagipon nanti korang kata korang nak burn cd yg ada gambar2 aku masa dolu2 pastuh jual kat anak murid aku..jahat la korang…agus, nanti bila diorg dah kawin kita gi melepak umah bebudak nih..mari kita porak-perandakan idop mereka..yahhh!!!

di bawah ada gambar ina + agus (eh, agus..asal ko buat mata ko camtuh?), gambar aku ngan gf under and gambar aku nyaris nak dirogol oleh under tp diselamatkan oleh yusri + agus…ahahahhhaa…eh..apsal gambar yusri takde…cehhh!!!

WEH KORANG!!! SELAMAT BERPUASA…JANGAN LUPA DATANG UMAH AKU..EHEHEHHEH..YEA!YEA!ESOK BUKAK PUASA NGAN YUSRI, AGUS, INA DAN UNDER…EHEHEHHE..RINDUNYA SAMA BUDAK2 TUH…2 TAHUN TU AKU TAK JOIN DIEORG BUKAK PUASA…UNDER BOLEH CAKAP,"WAH, KO TURUN SHELLY?AMAZING!!"..RHGYEHF…AKU TAULA AKU DAHLA TAK JOIN KORANG…HAMPEH..KAI, KO NAK JOIN, JOIN JE LA…TAPI JANGAN MARAH KALU AKU MINTAK AGUS SUAPKAN AKU AYAM GOLEK NANTI…JANGAN PANGGIL AKU HANJING DAH….AHAHAHAHA..JGN MARAH…MEMAIN JEK….OK..OK..NANTI AKU SURUH AGUS SUAP UNDER JEK.KO TAK BOLEHH..AHAHAHHAHA…TU DAH GAY TUH….OKLA..OKLA…AGUS SUAP KO JEK…EHEHEHEHE

Last Wednesday, while disscussing the exams papers wif the boys, one of them asked me,” teacher, how babies come out from their mothers’ bodies?”. oh..la..la..what a question..serious aku tak menggelupur kat situh..actually we were talking about weeds..and then camne ntah biasala kan..budak2…aku cakap lain, diorg ckp lain..

Me: boys, (aku mcm nak pengsan masa nih ok, berlagak macho jek depan diorg)basically there are 3 ways how babies come out from their mother’s bodies..the first one is caesarean ….the doctor will operate ur mom’s stomach..then take u out from ur mom’s stomach..

Shyaam: I know..i know..i know..scissorion right?!s.c.i.s.s.o.r. right?!

Me: No lah…C.e.a.s.a.r. as in julius CAESAR…

The boys: ooooooo

Me: the second one is vacuum..the doctor will suck out ur head from ur mom’s stomach…(terpaksala aku ckp stomach.kalu aku ckp womb, kang memacam pulak bebudak nih merepek..)

The boys: waaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! (boleh bayangkan tak betapa huru- haranya kelas aku masa ini)..teacher..how about the third one?we want to know… (muka memasing anxious gile)

Me: The third one aaa…I dun want to tell u..ask ur mother..

The boys: Please teacher..please tell us…our mother wont tell us..

Me: No..i dun want to tell..find it yourself…

The boys: Ala..please la teacher…

Shyaam: I know teacher… babies come out through the koo koo bird… I’ve seen it on tv..the Americans aaa will spread their legs and then the baby will come out through the koo koo bird..(ok syhaam enough..enough!!!memang ramai yg impotence kalu beranak through koo koo bird..mau meletup tuh…ahahahhahahah)

F.Y.I. in my school the boys call their penis as koo koo bird…funny huh?! 

Me: Excuse me…girls dun have koo koo bird..only boys have koo koo bird! (mau cover line sebenarnye nih..yela mana die tau pompuannya panggil ape kan?.ehehehhe)

Low: Teacher, when we were born, do we covered with blood?

Me: ya la ..what do u expect…

Low: Aiyaaaa…

Me: Ok boys.ok…end of discussion…I dun want to talk about it..take out your story books..read your books while I’m marking your English paper..(sebenarnya aku takott kang dibuatnya bebudak nih tanya aku camna buat baby mampos aku nak jawab..)

While I was marking the papers, one of the boys, Kenneth came to me.

Kenneth: Teacher….(while whispering into my ears)..i know how babies come out from their moms’ bodies..but I’m not sure..

Me: (alamak!bala!) nevermind..just tell me…

Kenneth: u know.. girls..down there..through that thing la…

Me: (alamak..nak jawab ke tak?aa..aku ada satu idea)..ok..kenneth, can u keep a secret (berbisik2..)

Kenneth: Yes…

Me: Ok..what u said just now is true..keep it to your self ok?

Kenneth: ok teacher (sambil menghulurkan jari kelingking dia kat aku).

Me: promise? (aku pulak menghulurkan jari kelingking aku kat die..poyo tak?)

Kenneth: promise…

Wahwahwah..besarnya rahsia yg aku pegang…RAHASIA PEREMPUAN nih…ahahahahhhaa…lawak tau tak melayan budak2 kecik nih…

Today, Kenneth told me his secret..

Kenneth: Teacher, u know “dead” song?

Me: Huh?! Never heard of it..

Kenneth: ok..i’ll sing it to you..actually..this is my song..i made it myself…ok..listen..i sing now(berbisik2..bebudak lain tak puas ati gila tgk die berbisik2 ngan aku..ahahhahaahhaaha)..BYEBYE I’M GOING TO DIE..BYEBYE I’M GOING TO DIE..BYEBYE I’M GOING TO DIE..BYEBYE I’M GOING TO DIE…

Me: very nice..ehehehe..why u didn’t tell ur mom bout this song?

Kenneth: i dun want..this is my secret..i want to share it with someone else..

how thoughtful kan..of all people he told me his secret..how sweet… tapi kan lawakla lagu dia..Haahahhaaahahhaa…tapi catchy dohh lagu die…boleh tak..dr mula sampai ke sudah tu jek yg die nyanyi..aku mmg nak gelak tapi tak sampai hati ok..dahla die bagi tau kat aku sorang jek…berbangga la jugak…nih rahsia nih..ehehehhehehehe..